Tests

You keep things to yourself. You know they don't understand. You've tried explaining. You were patient. You wanted to see their efforts to understand you. Hoping to find someone care for you enough to not rely on the spoons you feed.

You thought you found it. Offered more spoons than you offered before. Always scared to share it all.

Some things you need to share to get rid of. But those who can take it away can't. Those who can't, can. In the end you hold on to it. Fighting it. Every day. And failing.

You seek comforts in old habits. Things that give you joy. You give everything else you have, asking for one luxury. They want more. 

Was it worth it? Was this the test? Am I meant to stay and keep fighting? Or do I go, defeated but relieved?

Will it be relief if I go? Or just resentment for what could have been? 

Why do the tests have to be so hard? No, I know the answer to it. But my feelings are heard. In the end, only one can save me. In the end, I do it all for one.